Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize