are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
