Have you finally orgasmed yet?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
