Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
