His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
