i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
