Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
