part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
