apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
