Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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