you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
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i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
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I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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