You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
