You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
