I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
