sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
