im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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