dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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