If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Found the puke drawer
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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