So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
