I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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