It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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