On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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