im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
