Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
