So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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