She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
