we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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