Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
