we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
