He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm always down for nudity.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
