so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
