I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
