you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
