Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
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Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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