you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
