the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
