Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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