happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
