We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
