Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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