You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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