he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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