i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
