But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
