I am midnight drunk by noon
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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