I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
