Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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