Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
