Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
