$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
