There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
