He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
