I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
