Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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