9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
