i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
