covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
