She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
