Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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