He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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