I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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