The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
