He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
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why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
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I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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