My cat gives me a boner
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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