Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
