They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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