I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
