Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
