OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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