My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
