I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
