He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
True college students do jello shots in the library
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
