Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
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