Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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