so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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