i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
