One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
