I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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