Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
