16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
