You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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