I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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