I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
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A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
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She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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