so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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