You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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